Lemming's Cliff

News/Update: The good, bad, and the glorious

2011-06-20T12:52:00.000-07:00

At this point, you probably all know the good news. I proposed on June 10th and she said yes. I could probably say more, and if the demand exists, I'll write the whole story of the proposal up here.

The next piece of news is both bad and good. I was laid off on Friday. Bad: I'm no longer employed. Good: I'm not working there anymore.

I woke up on Saturday morning, and felt better than I have in years. (as far as waking up and being half asleep goes)

As to the glorious, that should be obvious if you know me well enough:

God is gracious and good. He provides. He will provide. He is sovereign.

The last few weeks have been a major applicative learning experience for me. I needed God's power in order to get through each day, I did not have the strength on my own.

Our Lord is amazing!

A series of Short thoughts and observations

2010-12-06T16:13:00.000-08:00

I loaned my DS to Turtle.
I did this so that she could work on some math skills using Brain Age.
Within 6 hours of having it, she'd started playing FFTA2, which is one of my favorite games.
Turtle's favorite game is Star Wars Legos (or at least is at the moment)
She's now playing the DS version of the game.

I have come to the conclusion that Turtle plays video games more than I do. (which I don't mind one bit. This is more of an observation of where my life is right now) I suppose the biggest part of all of this boils down to the fact that, as was acknowledged to me relatively recently with resignation in Mast's voice, I am the epitome of a casual gamer.

To my friends who are now scattered to the wind. I miss you all. You've been a major part of my life over the years and you mean a lot to me.

My sister leaves again to head back to her job and ministry in less than a month. It's been great having her here, and I'll miss her when she leaves again.

Please pray that I get a job soon. (I know you are already, but I ask you to continue to do so)
It's been a hard year and a half so far. It has also been a good year and a half in many ways. I think I've grown a lot in the process and it has been difficult in many ways. It's been hard when it looks like doors are opening and then have them close again on me. God is good and He will provide. His timing is not always the timing we would like, but He's smarter and wiser than I am. So I will submit to his will. If it was necessary for all of this to happen, for me to have what I have now, then I praise God for the hard times. If they were necessary, then I wouldn't change a thing that has happened.

Books:
If you haven't heard of it and like Fantasy, I highly recommend Auralia's Colors by Jeffrey Overstreet. I'm now on book 3 of the series. I'm not really engaging with it, but that could be because I was distracted by another book series. We'll see how I feel about it when I come back to it in about a week.
Currently I'm reading Claws that Catch by John Ringo. It's book 4, and the series is ok. It annoys me from time to time, but not very badly. Considering he's pissed me off before....

I watched the first episode/2 hours of Legend of the Seeker a few days ago. I was willing to cut it a little slack because things don't always translate properly from book to film, but there were a couple of things that really irked me. I'll have to watch a few more episodes, because there are a couple of things that may have been portrayed one way to a few of the characters, but weren't actually true. But there's at least one point that was changed that has the potential to cause a cataclysmic shift in how the story plays out. (odds are that it'll be ignored and they'll force the story into its proper course, but I still don't see how)

well, thanks again for your prayers.

Lemming out.

Job interview

2010-11-05T16:10:00.000-07:00

I have a job interview on Monday at 2 pm.
Pray it goes well.

music

2010-09-09T15:47:00.000-07:00

If you haven't heard it yet, listen.

http://www.songsofgrace.org/here-is-your-god-songs-of-grace-from-the-book-of-isaiah/

Here are comments by Fred Sanders on Scriptorum Daily:

http://www.scriptoriumdaily.com/2010/08/30/here-is-your-god-songs-from-isaiah/

Enough said.

Prayer

2010-04-19T13:06:00.000-07:00

I have a job interview on Wednesday at 2:00 pm.

Please be in prayer for it to go well.
This will be my first interview since becoming unemployed.

There was a bit of drama involved in the application process in trying to get to this point, but it was all resolved thanks to the tireless effort of a friend.

Thanks for your prayers in advance.

update

2009-10-29T14:18:00.000-07:00

This is for those of you I haven't talked to recently.

I'm still unemployed.

Current prayer request:

My resume is currently on the desks of a couple of hiring managers out in Arizona.

I would really like one of the two jobs.

So if you could be praying for that, I'd really appreciate it.

job searching/update...

2009-07-29T10:45:00.000-07:00

So, for those of you out in internetland who are interested in keeping up and who are praying, here's my latest prayer request on the job front:

I applied for a job on Friday for an Application Developer position, and as such, am studying and reviewing programming type things, which I haven't done in a very long time. I'd forgotten how much I enjoyed this stuff. (It may also help that I'm about 8 years removed from the things that had frustrated me about programming)

So, I would really like this job. Having looked at the values and mission of the institution, I really believe in the things they stand for, and their educational ideology is very similar to things I've been coming to hold to rather strongly over the last year.

So, I guess my prayer request is this:
That they would be gracious enough to look past the "lack of experience" I have of the last 5 years, yet understand the diligence there, and also look at my education. Additionally, that I am able to get to an actual interview stage, and if so, that I will be able to communicate clearly my ability to pick things up in this area very quickly. Furthermore, that I will be able to be diligent in my study, such that by the time the interview would occur, that I will have a reasonable handle on the material which I felt I had insufficient experience of when looking at the original job posting. (Also, a couple of these things they asked about in a few follow up questions they sent me right away)

no new info

2009-06-04T13:05:00.000-07:00

No real information yet. The neurologist recommends a CT scan of my head. Waiting to see what happens next.

hi

2009-05-27T08:40:00.000-07:00

for those who sort of know what's going on, but aren't completely up to date...

I went in for a physical a week ago Tuesday and they're referring me to a neurologist.

If you want to know more, you know how to get in touch with me.

first result back

2009-04-03T08:29:00.000-07:00

I just got results back on the first job. (the one I wanted)

:(

But that's the way of things. I've just got to keep looking...

update

2009-02-23T14:48:00.000-08:00

I figured that this would be the simplest way to let those of you whom I haven't talked to recently know:

I'm getting laid off at the end of June.

As such I'm in a major job search mode right now.

If you know of any job positions I might be interested in, please let me know. At this point I'm willing to take just about any work that comes my way, so long as it pays my bills (essentially, it has to pay more than what I'm making now, which only barely falls into that category)

Overall, I'm excited to see what God will be doing next, so don't fret too much about me losing this job. I've already been here longer than I had originally anticipated.

prayer

2007-09-03T13:14:00.000-07:00

Saturday night my grandfather passed away.

Sunday morning when my grandmother got up to call my grandfather's brother and his wife to let them know, she fell and broke her hip. Apparently it was a really bad break, but it will be at least 3 days before they can operate due to that she has a slight case of pneumonia, and due to that the levels of the blood thinner she's on are too high. It's also possible she had a heart attack from all of the stress yesterday. Apparently, she's not any worse today, which is a good sign. Pray that she continues to improve.

Also, apparently a week ago a friend of mine was hit by a truck. He was rear ended while riding his bike. He said he got a little scraped up, but is fine other than that he still is in pain from the accident.

update

2007-06-12T19:28:00.000-07:00

I suppose I should give you all an update...

I've been reading a lot lately.

As of this afternoon, I just finished reading the Miles Vorkosigan series by Bujold.
I rather enjoyed the series.
That's pretty much been taking up my time the last week and a half or two. That, and I was sick over the weekend, so I'm recovering from that still.

I got my first exposure to Windows Vista this afternoon. My first impression was that it was rather spiffy, then I went and did my second check, which has to do with how the computer handles switching back and forth between mirrored/paralleled displays and dual monitor. This has been a problem that has given me grief with our XP machines at work, which I actually figured out how to solve a couple of weeks ago. Now I suppose that on some level, I had known how to fix it all along with XP, but it never really registered to me that the system would be that inane in its requirement to fix it. To put it simply, the OS and the graphics card don't speak to each other very well most of the time, so though you'd think you'd be able to fix it with the XP's interface for solving the problem, it doesn't actually work. You have to find the interface for the graphics card to actually fix it.
With Vista, I've found the problem even worse so far. (BTW, I'm using Enterprise edition if anyone cares) Not only is the OS interface identical to what XP has, and responds the same way, I have yet to be able to find the equivalent interface for the graphics card in Vista. Now, a couple of things that were initially in Vista's favor. It automatically notices when you connect the Laptop to a Projector or external monitor. When you first do this it asks you how you want to set up your displays. This was actually rather nice. The problem occurred when I told the system later to switch from mirrored to dual and then back to mirrored. If I find the solution I'll probably post it later.

I probably have several other things I could talk about, but I'll save them for later.

2007-04-06T20:56:00.000-07:00

Amazing Love!
How can it be, that Thou, my God, shouldst die for me.

Camping!

2006-06-08T15:36:00.000-07:00

I'm going camping this weekend!
It's time for the annual camping trip.

I'm looking forward to it.

1 year ago today...

2006-06-08T15:23:00.000-07:00

Things were beginning to look up. Things were starting to go well. I thought I saw a glimpse of where I was supposed to beheading with my life.

Here I am a year later...broke, unhappy, and alone.

Maybe it's because I forgot something important along the way. Maybe...well, it's not worth speculating too much. I'm here now, things will work out to the glory of God. If I don't know anything else anymore, the one thing I know is this:
God is good. He loves us. He will be glorified.

BTW. My sister arrived safely 2 weeks ago.

Who do I want to be...

2006-05-10T18:29:00.000-07:00

This post comes from a conversation I was having with a couple of roommates of mine a little while back. (note: some of this is modified since enough time has passed that I can't remember the specifics)

The way things could be, or ought to be, or where we want to be, are all nonexistant states. Goal setting can be done, but only for the purpose of determining how to get there. As far as we are concerned, the here and now is all that actually exists. It is the only localle we can actually operate in. Who we are now, and what we do now is all that really exists. We can strive to become other than we are now, but we need to act as we wish to be.

It wasn't until more recently that I began to realize how much I needed to pay attention to this myself. The topic of discussion with the Bible study I'm in is starting to drive this home as well.

Something I need to take to heart...

2006-05-10T18:21:00.000-07:00

It's about what we do. That is, as opposed to why we do what we do.
Especially for those of us who spend way too much time in the abstract.

Previously I have been of the opinion that why we do things is as much a determination on the morality of something as to what the action itself is.

I'm starting to modify my position on that.

I'd now have to say that primarily only applies when you're dealing with actions that would generally be considered "good."

If something is generally neutral, or stupid, the action itself is the issue.

Note: when I'm refering to action here, I'm using "action" in a broader sense. Action here would consist of not just deeds, but also what we say and what thoughts we hold. To caveat further, when referencing thought, I'm not really talking about fleeting thoughts that are held momentarily and then are dismissed. I'm generally refering to things that are mentally held onto. But then, thought is a lot harder to categorize in this way. But then, held thoughts and beliefs do have a way of coming out into the open via either word or deed, so as such shouldn't be a part of the larger discussion other than to briefly mention that they need to be controlled just as what we say and what we do also need control.

Something I've been thinking about...

2006-04-15T20:25:00.000-07:00

We came to this passage several weeks ago in Bible study, and I found it very poignant. Especially when you look at the context...

This was grabbed from NASB translation, specifically using The Unbound Bible.

Hebrews 12:12-15

Therefore, strengthen the hands that are weak and the knees that are feeble, and make straight paths for your feet, so that the limb which is lame may not be put out of joint, but rather be healed. Pursue peace with all men, and the sanctification without which no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled;

Things change...

2006-04-03T19:50:00.000-07:00

If you haven't caught Beautiful's blog since yesterday, I'll post the pertinant info here.

As of Saturday evening, she and I are no longer dating/engaged. We're still friends, though, which I'm glad of. If I'd lost her as a friend, that would have hurt me more than I probably could have handled.

So, I'm glad we're actually able to talk again.

And to respect the comment she made on her blog, I won't post anything more.

thoughts

2006-03-26T10:42:00.000-08:00

So, I've been having to think about a lot of things lately, especially considering a couple of things that have happened. Also, a couple of these were given as things to think about at the Bible study I go to on Saturday mornings with a group of guys. (And when I say morning, I mean early morning)

Yes, finally after a long period of time, (long enough that I've lost track) I'm in a Bible study in which I'm being challenged. I've actually been going for almost 2 months, but then I've been a little busy in that time frame and we've finally gotten moving with it again. (several of us at various points in the last month or so have had schedule conflicts-to put it mildly)

So I'm actually being challenged mentally and spiritually, which I've needed for a long time, and I've been looking for. And I trust them. They have just enough detachment from who I am and who I've made myself out to be over the years that I don't have any emotional investment in the image of myself I've made.

So, the questions that were posed two Saturdays ago to make us think about what is truely important:

If you knew you were going to lose your sight, what would you want to focus on so that it would stick in your memory?

The second question was the same but in relation to sound.

To give you an idea of the general response:
The first one people were making reference to Yosemite Valley.
The second one people were referencing a specific piece by Bach (I think) that is several hours long.

I can't respond to the second one. I don't have an answer to it. I'm pretty sure that absolute silence would drive me crazy. I like background noise in general. Well, to be more specific, it's not that I like it per se, I like that it exists. It provides a certain level of comfort.

I'm off

2006-02-18T07:53:00.000-08:00

I fly out around noon. Have a good week everyone. Have fun, be good. I realize some of you might think those can be contradictory, but it doesn't have to be. I mean, I'll be doing something good, and will hopefully have fun while I'm at it.

Remember, be careful to watch your step when playing around here. You can lookat the scenery, but don't jump off while I'm away, please?

There are no lifeguards on duty. Not that cliffs have lifeguards, mind you. I just thought it was an apt comparison.

16 days and counting

2006-02-01T17:17:00.000-08:00

Sorry for not posting for a while. I was a bit preoccupied for a little while, and then time just got away from me...
But that's not really much of an excuse, but I'll leave it at that anyway.

So in 16 days (February 18th) I'll be traveling. I'll be gone for a week.

Another aside:
Last Friday was my Birthday!
Beautiful called, which made my day! It was the one thing I really wanted. (given things in the realm of moderate probability) I didn't know if she'd be able to due that she'd been out in the field, and we weren't sure what day they'd be getting back in. It turns out they'd gotten back in that morning. Also, she didn't realized that it was my birthday. She'd thought it was on Wednesday. (probably due to that I turned 25 this year)

Long Weekend

2005-12-19T14:29:00.000-08:00

First of all, It's good to have Beautiful back in the area.

Starting Friday: I clocked in 9.5 hours with work. however, that all occured during a 12 hour period. (lunch break and another break) That's what happens when you're the only one who is available to tech (babysit) a projector in the overflow location for graduation. Also, the break was primarily worked due to that it allowed me to go to at least the beginning of a graduation party for Dan and Deb. I then went back to the party after I got done working, just in time to catch a third to half the people before they left. (considering I got back just as the party was technically over) I then proceeded to stay until after 1:30 am. At which point I realized that I was probably going to get a call from Beautiful at either 6:30 or 7 in the morning, due to that around that time she'd probably be heading to the airport. I was only slightly off on my realization. Actually, she sent me a text message at 6 am. I sent a response then went back to sleep. Next thing I know, it's about 10:50 am and I've got another text message. She's on the plane getting waiting for take-off. I get up, get ready, and start doing some more cleaning. (I'd already done some cleaning during week) I get my things together, make a quick stop at the store and pick up some roses and a couple of other things, after which, I grabbed a quick lunch. After eating, I filled up my gas tank, then headedd to the airport, just in case there was traffic. which there wasn't. Also, her plane ended up being about a half hour late, so even with leaving almost an hour later than I wanted to, I ended up at the airport over 2 hours before I needed to be there, which I didn't mind due to that I was able to get some reading done. So, I ended up finishing one of the books I've been reading. (The Book of Five Rings, by Miyamoto Musashi-I'll probably talk about it at some later time) After I finished that, I got back to working through Unapologetic Apologetics. Beautiful called after her plane touched down, we then made a brief stop at my place. (I had left my bag for the weekend, and Beautiful wanted to rest for a little bit) We then went to dinner. After that we made a brief shopping trip in order to get her something to wear to church. (which took longer than we would have liked) Finally we then headed out to her parents. By this point Beautiful had been up over 20 hours. (provided you don't count the short naps-sleeping in cars twice, as well as some napping on the plane) Everone crashed soon after our arrival. On Sunday, we had breakfast, went to church, and then went to lunch with a absolutely wonderful and darling older lady from her church named Amy. (this had been scheduled in advance) The three of us had a wonderful time. (we probably spent between 2-3 hours at lunch) Later that afternoon, Beautiful, her parents, and myself went to an open house someone was holding. The situation was tolerable, and I was able to let the situation wash over me, though I'm pretty sure that most of us would have rather been elsewhere. After this we went and got dinner, then started to play episodes of Babylon 5 season 1. (Which her mom is currently just about finished with-she'll probably be done tonight) Eventually people started to get tired, so I headed home due to having work this morning.
Anyway, that was my weekend.
Like I said, it's good to have Beautiful back. Her presence has been greatly missed.

confession/realization

2005-10-26T22:36:00.000-07:00

I feel that I need to put this out there.

I've been arrogant about a particular issue for a while now. That is, I was until a couple of weeks ago, anyway. Or more specifically, I didn't realize that I'd been arrogant until then. The arrogance caused a certain amount of fear in my life. At this point, I suppose I'm not making much sense, so I'll clarify.

It all started with my belief in the efficacy of prayer. I have a very high view of prayer. I believe that prayer is very powerful, because God is powerful. We pray because it draws us closer to God. It is an outpouring of ourselves, from a certain perspective, you might even call it a sacrifice of ourselves, due to that we lay our hearts before God: all our desires, insecurities, etc. before His throne.

The next factor is due to that I believe God answers prayer. I've seen God answer prayer too many times to doubt that he answers.

My problem was that I forgot that God will answer no at times. I had forgotten that He will answer as he so chooses. I had begun to believe the lie that He would always answer the way I wanted Him to. Now, knowing that I'm fallible, I know that my desires aren't always correct.

This led me to fear that I would pray for the wrong thing. As a result, it debilitated my prayer life. I stopped praying for things with strength and conviction unless I was conviced I was praying correctly. As a result, my prayers either became mostly internal, or really vague, lacking in conviction.

This changed a couple of weeks ago. I had a prayer request which I passed through my prayer network. (or part of my network; I didn't have the time to spread it personally through the entire network, and due to the nature of the request, didn't want to broadcast it in thid forum) I was utterly convinced at the time, that what I was asking for was the best possible solution to the problem I feared I might have to face. I was wrong, and God said no. As soon as I realized that God had denied my request, especially after the dilemma came and went without any real difficulty or trauma, it was as though a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.
It was at this point the fear just went away, never to be seen again. Immediately after the fear went away, I realized my arrogance, and repented.

I write this primarily because I feel that I need to be accountable for my thoughts and actions. I also feel that I should admit my mistakes. Hopefully someone will learn from them and not repeat them. Don't be afraid to pray with passion and conviction. Remember, God is smarter than we are, He can always say no, or He might even say "not right now, but maybe later."

God never ceases to amaze me.

Since other people have, I might as well

2005-10-24T17:14:00.000-07:00

I meant to do this a while ago, then accidentally deleted it before I could post it.

another post of confessions
X your confessions

[ ] I am bisexual
[ ] I am homosexual
[ ] I've run away from home
[ ] I listen to political music. (not intentionally)
[x] I collect comic books. (I wouldn't consider myself a collector, though)
[x] I shut others out when I'm sad (until I figure out that I'm depressed, then I go find certain people to help me stop being depressed)
[ ] I open up to others easily
[x] I am keeping a secret from the world (technically-everyone has secrets, they just don't necessarily realize it)
[ ] I watch the news
[ ] I own over 5 rap CDs
[ ] I own something from Hot Topic
[ ] I love Disney movies
[x] I am a sucker for hair/eyes (mmm)
[ ] I don't kill bugs (they must die)
[x] I curse regularly. (define regularly. More like poignantly than regularly, though)
[ ] I have "x"s in my screen name.
[x] just to be funny I've slipped out a "lol" in a real conversation (only once or twice-it isn't really all that funny)
[ ] I love Spam (ick)
[ ] I bake well (I haven't tried in a while)
[ ] I would wear pajamas to school (too self conscious for that)
[x] I have a job (I need a new one, though)
[ ] I love Martha Stewart.
[x] I am in love with/like someone. (obviously. If you didn't know this, you obviously haven't read my blog)
[ ] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS (too much effort required)
[x] I am self conscious. (only slightly, though)
[x] I like to laugh. (don't make me, though. I'd rather not hyperventilate)
[ ] I smoke.
[ ] I loved Go Ask Alice. (what?)
[x] I have cough drops when I'm not sick. (on occasion)
[ ] I can't swallow pills.
[ ] I have many scars (only one, though most people can't see it unless I'm stressed out)
[x] I've been out of this country
[x] I believe in ghosts (depends on what you mean).
[ ] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room (with where I live, I'd never be able to get to sleep-if I see it, I'll kill it though)
[x] I am really ticklish
[x] I love chocolate (most of my family are chocoholics).
[ ] I bite my nails
[x] I am comfortable with being me (to a certain extent)
[x] I play computer games/video games when I'm bored (who needs to be bored to do that?)
[x] Gotten lost in the city
[x] Saw a shooting star.
[ ] I had a serious Surgery. (sorry, only a minor surgery here)
[ ] Gone out in public in your pajamas
[ ] I have kissed a stranger.
[x] Hugged a stranger. (certain church settings make this inevitable)
[x] been in a fist fight with the same sex. (not since Jr. High)
[ ] Been arrested.
[x] Laughed and had milk/soda come out of your nose
[x] Pushed all the buttons on an elevator (unless you count the emergency buttons)
[ ] Made out in an elevator (That could be interesting...)
[ ] Swore at your parents. (not at them, but I have in their presence)
[ ] Kicked a guy where it hurts. (If I have, I don't remember)
[ ] Been skydiving
[ ] Been bungee jumping.
[ ] Broken a bone.
[ ] Played spin the bottle.
[x] Gotten stitches (see my comment on surgery)
[ ] Drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour (ugh...can feel sinuses clogging just thinking about it)
[x] Bitten someone (probably, though I can't remember a particular instance)
[ ] Been to Niagara Falls.
[x] Gotten the chicken pox.
[x] Crashed into a car (twice-minor crashes though. the car still runs fine)
[ ] Been to Japan
[x] Ridden in a taxi. (I couldn't have said that 2 weeks ago)
[ ] Shoplifted.
[ ] Been fired. (let go, but not fired-they'd rehire me if they had a need for personnel)
[x] had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
[ ] Stole something from your job.
[ ] Gone on a blind date. (I suppose technically I have-the joys of Dorm events in college)
[ ] Had a crush on a teacher/coach.
[ ] Celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
[ ] Been to Europe. (My sister wants me to meet up with her in Prague at some point, though)
[ ] Slept with a co-worker.
[ ] Been married
[ ] Gotten divorced.
[x] Saw someone/something dying (if you count bugs)
[x] Driven over 400 miles in one day
[ ] Been to Canada.
[x] Been on a plane.
[ ]Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
[ ] Thrown up in a bar. (outside of one, though not due to alcohol-I didn't drink that night)
[ ] Eaten Sushi (ick)
[x] Been snowboarding.
[x] Been skiing. (I think: if so, water-single ski)
[x] Been ice skating.
[x] Met someone in person from the internet (I suppose technically)
[x]Going to or have gone to college.
[ ] Done drugs
[x] Taken painkillers
[ ] Cheated on someone else (why would I want to? I've seen the consequences)
[ ] Had sex with more than one person.
[ ] Thought about suicide
[ ] Feared for your life because of another
[ ] Been hurt so bad you'll never forget the pain (the memory of the pain usually fades)
[ ] Wished somebody would die (I think I briefly thought about it, then I considered the ramifications, and decided it was a bad desire)
[ ] Lied to your girlfriend/boyfriend (At times I haven't disclosed some information, but I've never lied to her)

Back from trip

2005-10-17T17:25:00.000-07:00

My trip went well. Other than being delayed to the point of staying overnight in an airport and arriving over 12 hours after I was supposed to.
I went to see Beautiful graduate from basic training in the army. (She didn't know I was coming until a little while before I got there)
She's definately lost a lot of weight, and put on quite a bit of muscle.
She's doing quite well.

travel

2005-10-11T20:52:00.000-07:00

I'm going on a trip for a few days and will be leaving first thing in the morning.

Pray for safe travels, etc.

(Pray very hard for the etc. I'm not going to post that here. If you want to know, a few influential people in my life know, as well as one or two others. If you know where I'm going, and don't know this request, you should be able to figure out who I've told. Ask them, or ask me, but the need for the prayer will probably be over by the time I get back to you, unless you call me-though my phone will only be intermitantly on until tomorrow evening)

Irony

2005-09-19T12:00:00.000-07:00

For those who've diologued with me at any real length, you know what my stance regarding the idea of goodness, truth, and beauty. For those who don't know I'm going to relate it here. In case you get upset on what my position has been, remember the title of this post.

For quite a while now, I've been rather upset regarding how some groups I've run into seem to regard the concepts of goodness, truth, and beauty. The way the phrase has been put forward, it presents itself as though all three are equal partners in the grand scheme of things. Now, those I've run into might argue that the three are neot necessarily equal, but based on their actions and how they have portrayed other, related concepts, tells me that they view all three as equal members of a greater whole. The main problem that I have found with this view is that while the first two can be shown to be objective, I have yet to see a valid presentation in which the third is also presentable as being objective. That is not to say that the existance of beauty isn't objective. By all means I would agree that objectively, beauty does exist. However, our understanding of beauty is rather subjective due to that it is based soley on sensory perception. Based on this analysis, I came to the conclusion that Beauty, as a concept does not belong with the other two members of the presented triage.

Based on this conclusion, I decided a long time ago that I would leave the search for beauty on the wayside, and ignore it completely. Now, there are several other reasons for this as well. Some of those are also why I technically view myself as an iconoclast. I have held the view that imagery can be dangerous. It like many other things can lead to idolatry. Now, to caveat what I just said, I don't think its necessarily wrong for images to be used in worshop, etc. I, however, view that it can be dangerous to do so. It mainly depends on how an indiviual views them, as well as how they are used. I have a similar view on symbols in general, as well as corresponding view regarding rituals. Regarding being an iconoclast, I'll paraphrase CS Lewis. God is the great iconoclast. He is continually shattering our perceptions of who He is. Anyway, my main issues regarding symbols is that they are particularly dangerous for me. I am a highly visual and sensory person. I am also relatively mathematical and analytical as well. As a result, things I sense, perticularly the things I see, stay with me for a ratther long time. This means that I am particularly vulnerable to making lasting associations between things. Essentially, repetative use of nonessential sensory input (namely iconographic imagery) in worship could lead me to overassociate with the image, in my mind, instead of the focusing on the actual, which is invisible. (Similar could be said regarding other types of symbols, along with rituals) (when I'm referencing rituals, my primary thought is: does it have to be done that way? If the answer is emphatically yes, then I consider it a problematic ritual.)

Anyway, in my intellectual and philosophic journey, as I said before, I left the concept of beauty by the wayside as being unessential, due to its lack of objectivity, in favor of the other two, goodness and truth. In all honesty, I haven't been traveling on this journey as much as I should be. I have been known to take semiregular breaks in this journey, though I have kept moving. One problem I've had over the years is that I haven't sought God as rigorously as I should in the journey that is my life. I'm probably a little too casual in the ways I've dealt with these matters over the years, and I should probably work at changing that.

Anyway, I just went off on yet another tangent...

So, I left the search for beauty behind me in favor of goodness and truth. Against all odds, it appears that beauty, or more specifically, Beautiful, has been left in my care. Note the irony: I stopped looking for beauty, and one who is beautiful, loves me and I love her. The thought nearly brings me to tears. Also, her current absence does the same thing, but before she left, the thought that I had been given what I never asked for, leaves me in awe. Anyway, there are lots of things that are either ironic, startling, or thought provoking regarding this relationship, most of which I'm not going to discuss in a public forum. And I'm definitely not going to talk about them with other people until I've talked with her about them.

Anyway, I hope I didn't offend too many people in some of what I said. But I'm relating my journey, and as I'm still on said journey, I hope you'll give me a lttle grace.

cloud 9

2005-09-18T21:00:00.000-07:00

Beautiful called me this morning, and we talked for about 15 minutes. So, I've been highly emotional all day. On the one hand, hearing from her made my day, and I wouldn't give up having been able to talk to her for anything. On the other hand, I'm missing her terribly right now. But then, I miss her all the time, so the only difference is the severity of how much I miss her.

An a slightly related note, she's a little annoyed with me, due to that I still haven't gotten pictures of me to her, which I'm working on and if I haven't gotten them mailed by mid-week, kick me for her, because I will deserve it if I haven't gotten them sent at that point. (If I actually had prints of myself, I'd say kick me Tuesday if I haven't gotten them sent by tomorrow. But since I don't actually have prints yet, there's no way I'll be able to send them tomorrow)

Regarding my health: I've been feeling much better since I last posted. I'm still going to be taking it easy, though, due to that it's not worth the risk of getting worse. I know two major horror stories regarding mono, and they're both really scary.

I think I'm going to go ahead and post the previosly mentioned "Irony" post. If things work the way I think/hope they should, it should show up sometime tomorrow. (otherwise, it'll show up tonight)

more on being sick

2005-09-15T10:00:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm over the strep throat at this point. The thing is that when I went back to the doctor two weeks ago, because I had started to feel worse again after the penicillin ran out, in addition to prescribing another antibiotic, they also took a throat culture and did a blood test for mono. Fast forward to a week ago Tuesday. While I'm at work, they call to tell me that I have mono. Anyway, as a result, I'm trying to get a lot of rest, which means that it cuts into my time for doing other things. This means I'm having to prioritize what all I want to do, which means certain things occur less frequently, such as posting here. Between trying to rest more, and that I've committed to working on something for a group of people, it means I've also had less time to write to Beautiful than I'd like. This is even more annoying due to that she's actually found time to write me a few times recently. I suppose that even with the reduction in my writing, I'm still getting more sent to her than she is to me, but I can feel the difference in that early on, I was probably getting several things written per week, (even though I wasn't able to send anything at the time) whereas now, I'm getting maybe one written a week, or if I end up writing more than one in a week, it may be over a week before I write the next one.

Being Sick

2005-08-21T11:52:00.000-07:00

So, For almost two weeks now, I've had a sore throat. Due to circumstances, I didn't get around to going to see a doctor until Friday after work. It turns out that I have strep throat. I now have penicillin, and should start getting better around Wednesday. I actually started feeling better yesterday morning. By Friday afternoon, in some respects I had started feeling better while in other ways I was worse. Friday afternoon, I was actually able to use my voice a lot more, whereas previously, I'd need to drink Sprite in order to talk. It also reached a point where I needed to drink Sprite and have a cough drop in my mouth in order to talk. So, being able to talk normally (for the most part) on Friday was a major improvement. On the other hand, by Friday I started having a lot more trouble swallowing. it generally just hurts, which can be dealt with, but I also started not being able to fully swallow. At times I'll swally and only part will go down, so I have to cough up what didn't go down and try to swallow again. I don't think I've had to follow this loop for more than a couple of itterations. Current state of affairs has it that I just am not able to eat very much currently, due to that it takes me several hours to get through what I can normally get through in 30 minutes if I'm taking my time. As a result, I'm only eating about a third of what I was eating at the beginning of the week. I also have to take the penicillin with food, so this is where it becomes annoying. The doctor also said to take 4 Motrin 3 times a day, so I'm doing that as well. Also, I've started drinking hot herbal teas. Every time I do so, I briefly get depressed due to that orange and spice is never what I think it should be. Anyway, I've discovered the joy of camomile tea, which seems to be one of the few that I can drink at any point without it bothering my throat at all when I swallow. Even normal hot water (which is better than cold water) will periodically cause a certain amount of pain (not due to the heat)

Other things that made the week annoying: Monday I was taking care of a fix-it ticked I got a few months back, which took a lot of energy out of me. Standing in line for an hour at the courthouse is just a pain. The end of the week consisted of the faculty conference on campus, which just made for long days. Wednesday, I went home sick after about half a day so that I would have the strength and energy to handle being the tech on duty first thing Thursday morning. Friday I was also there first thing in the morning. I didn't really mind being the tech, other than the fact that I was sick. If I hadn't been sick it would have pretty much been a cake walk. I was there at about 7:30 am both mornings, and on Thursday I ended up having to type up the powerpoint for worship when I got there. Other than that and running the powerpoint for worship, I probably wasn't really needed. I suppose I was there just in case anything went wrong. Friday, I edned up being a lot more active, as one of the groups hadn't quite thought through exactly what they wanted for a set up for their presentation, and so an hour before, I ended up making the necessary calls for them. That I ended up being the one to do it may also be due to the fact that due to some of what was also happening on campus on Friday led to an abrubt shift in who was acting MC of the conference after the first hour on Friday. As a result, I'm going to guess that there ended up being a shift in the support staff on site. Meaning, I may have been the only support staff arround at that point. Prior to that point, if some adjustment needed to be made, the primary MC's secretary was there to go and make the necessary call. After that point she may have left. In fact I'm pretty sure she had left, due to that she had made comments about staying up until a certain point. I'm pretty sure the new MC's secretary wasn't there due to aspects of conversation from lunch. (which she ended up joining us for) ANyway, I was able to try and make things go as smoothly as I could. The situation wasn't ideal, but it worked, and they were happy, and I figure that's what matters.

Now most of my energy is gone from typing. I'm going to go veg for a while now, maybe it will come back.

comment

2005-08-08T16:20:00.000-07:00

I have another post I'll be putting up sometime in the near future regarding one aspect of my thoughts regarding my relationship with Beautiful. Before I post it, I'm going to run it past a couple of people first, as well as send her a copy of it. I also may post one of my past treatises first. Or, more specifically, if I can find it I'll post it.

Update

2005-08-08T16:04:00.000-07:00

I heard from Beautiful on Thursday. Everything is all cleared up now and we should be getting an address from her within the week. I had to slightly modify my time scheduling for this past weekend. A friend needed me to pick him up from the airport on Friday evening, so instead of being able to head up Friday to visit Beautiful's family, I had to wait until Saturday morning. I left at 7 am in order to make it for a church breakfast.
Breakfast was good, as was spending time with her family. Beautiful also happened to call while I was there, which I wasn't expecting. Also, she wasn't expecting me to be there either. She asked, "What, are you there every weekend?" I responded that I just happened to be there that weekend.

Overall, it was a good weekend. I didn't get enough sleep for the most part, though. Also, I think I have a sore throat now, which is rather annoying.

It's been a few weeks

2005-08-03T16:57:00.000-07:00

I've been a little preoccupied since my last post. Sorry for not keeping some of you updated here, although a few of you may have gotten updates from elsewhere...

Anyway, it has been a little hard on me since Beautiful left for her 'trip' nearly two weeks ago.
It has been hard for her as well, from what I can tell.
I've talked with her 4 times on the phone since she left. I talked with her twice while she was in transit (both of which were to inform us of delays that they had encountered). She also called me on Thursday and Friday last week. Both of us have been writing, but since she doesn't have an address for herself yet, I can't actually send her anything I've written. Also, I'm pretty sure she won't end up sending anything out until after she gets her address to me.

2005-07-11T09:10:00.000-07:00

Well, this weekend was definately less hectic than last weekend, as well as being less chaotic, to say the least.

For those who don't know, though I'm sure most of you are aware, the morning of the 4th was spent hiking in the desert with insufficient water. Based on my perception of the event, I believe that I was probably the only member of the group who was both rational and coherent by the time we were back to the car.

Anyway, this weekend was much less hectic due to that there wasn't anything in particular that needed to be taken care of (unless you count Friday night, and that doesn't count as work)

Having short Fridays has been nice (only having to work 4 hours) This means that If I hit the road early enough, I don't really hit any traffic. Which saves almost 1/3 the travel time.

So, Friday, I left work, took care of a couple of things (like grabbing lunch and picking up a boquet of flowers)
I arrived at my destination at 2:30 pm as opposed to previous arrival times of around 3:30-4pm; which was quite nice considering the circumstances of the day.

Anyway, Beautiful's morning had not been going so well. (which wasn't helped by the fact that our phones decided to no longer be cooperative after about three quarters of the way to her house)
So, after arriving, while getting one of my bags out of the trunk of my car, I told her that I had something in the cooler for her. Upon opening the cooler, what did she find? The Flowers. (primarily red Roses, but it also had several red Carnations as well as some Babies Breath)
Her day, what with my arrival and the flowers had now gotten much better. But the day wasn't over yet...you see, we had plans for the evening, as it had been a month since we had started going out. So, a little bit later we went out to dinner, and a wonderful time was had by all (well, the two of us did anyway).

2005-06-23T16:00:00.000-07:00

Taken from multiple individuals (though I took liberty in fixing some of the grammer)
3 THINGS I DON'T UNDERSTAND
1. why people hurt children
2. Statistics (as a field in mathematics, it's the only area of math I've interacted with that I can't make work right)
3. most languages (unless they're programming languages, even then it may still be true)

3 THINGS MOST PEOPLE DON'T KNOW ABOUT ME
Most people don't know things about me because I don't want them to, silly. Here are some of the insubstantial ones
1. I'd rather sit in the background and not be noticed
2. I used to play piano
3. My dad's siblings all look alike to the point that it's creepy (and there are quite a few of them)

LAST...
1. Movie you rented: I'm more likely to buy. I don't have rental accounts with anyone.
2. Movie you bought: Movie: Matrix Reloaded (needed it for an event) DVD: Witch Hunter Robin disk 4
3. Song you listened to: Fake Wings from .hack//sign O.S.T. 1
4. CD you bought: Noir CD Soundtrack 1
5. TV show you've watched: all the way through, actually on TV? probably Blue Collar Comedy, due to that I only really watch TV socially.
6. Person you kissed: I don't kiss and tell.
7. Person you were thinking of: see below

DO...
1. You have a crush on someone: Yes
2. You wish you could live somewhere else: Not really, I've lived in different parts of Cali all of my life, and I generally prefer it here (particularly in Southern Cali) There was a period in my life a long time ago, though, during which I wanted to live in Washington state.
3. You think about suicide: why would I? Life is what it is.
4. You believe in online dating: I know of a couple of cases where it has worked, but I think those are exceptions rather than the rule. I mean, what's the point? The English language in particular doesn't carry intonations in its written form.
5. Others find you attractive: At least 1 person does apparently, though I don't know why
6. You want more piercings: Wouldn't I need one in the first place to want more? Anyway, I hate needles.
7. You drink: Mostly dihydrogen oxide and Mountain Dew
8. You do drugs: No. Occasionally I take Motrin, just nowhere near as frequently as I used to.
9. You smoke: My lungs have enough problems as they are, thank you very much.
10. You like cleaning: Only when it gets to be too much and I reach a mental breaking point
11. You like roller coasters: rarely. I think it has been 5 years since I went on one.
12. You write in cursive or print: Why write when I can be typing?
13. You like soap operas: No. And there are things that should be classified as Soap Operas that aren't classified that way

HAVE YOU...
1. Ever cried over a girl: Yes, on several occasions, though most of them are not for the reasons you'd expect in a survey like this
2. Ever cried over a boy: technically.
3. Ever lied to someone: Yes.
4. Ever been in a fist fight: Yes, but that was half a lifetime ago.
5. Ever been arrested: No.

WHAT...
1. Shampoo do you use: Suave, either Citrus or Apple
2. Shoes do you wear: Primarily sandals because I'm not fond of socks.
3. Is your desktop background: an image from .hack//sign

NUMBER...
1. Of times you have been in love: honestly, I don't know. I don't know if I was actually in love for most of them, I may have just thought I was. I think love is more than just a feeling.
2. Of times you have had your heart broken: I don't want to think about it
3. Of girls/guys you have kissed: um...really only 1
4. Of drugs taken illegally: none
5. Of people you would classify as true, could-trust-with-your-life type friends: between 3 and 5, depending on whether you are speaking literally or figuratively.
6. Of people you consider enemies: Why would I want enemies? That would require way too much effort and more weaponry than I have. Protracted battles require more resources than I have (or the map I'm on has)
7. Of scars on your body: 1, though it's really only visible when I'm really stressed, or if I've gotten way too little sleep
8. Of things in your past that you regret: I stopped counting, and I don't want to think about them. Most of them I couldn't really do anything about, though, so it's not worth worrying about them.

2005-06-19T16:02:00.000-07:00

So, yesterday I spent all afternoon and evening cleaning. It's kind of scary how quickly junk can accumulate if one hasn't been taking care of it. So far I've thrown out two kitchen trashbags worth of trash and two bags of stuff for recycling. About 80% of all that was mostly stuff accumulated since easter. I also rearranged several pieces of furniture as well. Now my living space feels a lot more like three distinct areas rather than one large unwieldy space. Now I just need to go through 5 years worth of stuff and also clean up my car...

2005-06-14T18:00:00.000-07:00

It seems it keeps getting longer between the times I post. I hope to change that soon.

Anyway, for a while now, I've felt lost, uncertain, and frustrated in several areas of my life.

That seems to have started to change in a couple of those areas. Overall, I still don't know what I'm doing or where I'm headed, but I'm fine with that. I don't feel at liberty at this time to discuss some of the changes that did occur. I am definately more content, but things will be harder for me in a good way, and I'm ok with that. I'll keep moving forward, and things will continue to get better.

God provides.

2004-07-28T14:09:00.000-07:00

Most of you probably know by now, but if there is anyone out there who reads this and doesn't know, I'll post here as well. As of a week ago Monday, I am working full time at Biola University in the Media Services Department in the Library.

2004-06-04T11:31:00.000-07:00

I really should update this more frequently...

Anyway, for those who don't know already, I finally graduated. Now I just need a real occupation.

2004-05-04T23:56:00.000-07:00

So, Um, yeah. Apparently you people want an update... I finished my paper on Friday, and turned it in on Monday...So, if I pass it, then I'm free. Now all I have to do is get a better job...It's now time to start looking just in case the ones I've been waiting to hear from turn up negative.

Now to quote Mindy: Hello Lady, I love you bye bye.

Hmm...It's Late, I'm tired. I think I'll go sleep now.

Lemming

2004-04-13T20:51:00.000-07:00

Hello, World!
Be careful you don't fall off when you get near the edge.
And please, above all, don't make a running dive as your means of departure.
It's much safer to go back the way you came.

-Lemming