confession/realization

I feel that I need to put this out there.

I've been arrogant about a particular issue for a while now. That is, I was until a couple of weeks ago, anyway. Or more specifically, I didn't realize that I'd been arrogant until then. The arrogance caused a certain amount of fear in my life. At this point, I suppose I'm not making much sense, so I'll clarify.

It all started with my belief in the efficacy of prayer. I have a very high view of prayer. I believe that prayer is very powerful, because God is powerful. We pray because it draws us closer to God. It is an outpouring of ourselves, from a certain perspective, you might even call it a sacrifice of ourselves, due to that we lay our hearts before God: all our desires, insecurities, etc. before His throne.

The next factor is due to that I believe God answers prayer. I've seen God answer prayer too many times to doubt that he answers.

My problem was that I forgot that God will answer no at times. I had forgotten that He will answer as he so chooses. I had begun to believe the lie that He would always answer the way I wanted Him to. Now, knowing that I'm fallible, I know that my desires aren't always correct.

This led me to fear that I would pray for the wrong thing. As a result, it debilitated my prayer life. I stopped praying for things with strength and conviction unless I was conviced I was praying correctly. As a result, my prayers either became mostly internal, or really vague, lacking in conviction.

This changed a couple of weeks ago. I had a prayer request which I passed through my prayer network. (or part of my network; I didn't have the time to spread it personally through the entire network, and due to the nature of the request, didn't want to broadcast it in thid forum) I was utterly convinced at the time, that what I was asking for was the best possible solution to the problem I feared I might have to face. I was wrong, and God said no. As soon as I realized that God had denied my request, especially after the dilemma came and went without any real difficulty or trauma, it was as though a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.
It was at this point the fear just went away, never to be seen again. Immediately after the fear went away, I realized my arrogance, and repented.

I write this primarily because I feel that I need to be accountable for my thoughts and actions. I also feel that I should admit my mistakes. Hopefully someone will learn from them and not repeat them. Don't be afraid to pray with passion and conviction. Remember, God is smarter than we are, He can always say no, or He might even say "not right now, but maybe later."

God never ceases to amaze me.

Since other people have, I might as well

I meant to do this a while ago, then accidentally deleted it before I could post it.

another post of confessions
X your confessions

[ ] I am bisexual
[ ] I am homosexual
[ ] I've run away from home
[ ] I listen to political music. (not intentionally)
[x] I collect comic books. (I wouldn't consider myself a collector, though)
[x] I shut others out when I'm sad (until I figure out that I'm depressed, then I go find certain people to help me stop being depressed)
[ ] I open up to others easily
[x] I am keeping a secret from the world (technically-everyone has secrets, they just don't necessarily realize it)
[ ] I watch the news
[ ] I own over 5 rap CDs
[ ] I own something from Hot Topic
[ ] I love Disney movies
[x] I am a sucker for hair/eyes (mmm)
[ ] I don't kill bugs (they must die)
[x] I curse regularly. (define regularly. More like poignantly than regularly, though)
[ ] I have "x"s in my screen name.
[x] just to be funny I've slipped out a "lol" in a real conversation (only once or twice-it isn't really all that funny)
[ ] I love Spam (ick)
[ ] I bake well (I haven't tried in a while)
[ ] I would wear pajamas to school (too self conscious for that)
[x] I have a job (I need a new one, though)
[ ] I love Martha Stewart.
[x] I am in love with/like someone. (obviously. If you didn't know this, you obviously haven't read my blog)
[ ] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS (too much effort required)
[x] I am self conscious. (only slightly, though)
[x] I like to laugh. (don't make me, though. I'd rather not hyperventilate)
[ ] I smoke.
[ ] I loved Go Ask Alice. (what?)
[x] I have cough drops when I'm not sick. (on occasion)
[ ] I can't swallow pills.
[ ] I have many scars (only one, though most people can't see it unless I'm stressed out)
[x] I've been out of this country
[x] I believe in ghosts (depends on what you mean).
[ ] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room (with where I live, I'd never be able to get to sleep-if I see it, I'll kill it though)
[x] I am really ticklish
[x] I love chocolate (most of my family are chocoholics).
[ ] I bite my nails
[x] I am comfortable with being me (to a certain extent)
[x] I play computer games/video games when I'm bored (who needs to be bored to do that?)
[x] Gotten lost in the city
[x] Saw a shooting star.
[ ] I had a serious Surgery. (sorry, only a minor surgery here)
[ ] Gone out in public in your pajamas
[ ] I have kissed a stranger.
[x] Hugged a stranger. (certain church settings make this inevitable)
[x] been in a fist fight with the same sex. (not since Jr. High)
[ ] Been arrested.
[x] Laughed and had milk/soda come out of your nose
[x] Pushed all the buttons on an elevator (unless you count the emergency buttons)
[ ] Made out in an elevator (That could be interesting...)
[ ] Swore at your parents. (not at them, but I have in their presence)
[ ] Kicked a guy where it hurts. (If I have, I don't remember)
[ ] Been skydiving
[ ] Been bungee jumping.
[ ] Broken a bone.
[ ] Played spin the bottle.
[x] Gotten stitches (see my comment on surgery)
[ ] Drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour (ugh...can feel sinuses clogging just thinking about it)
[x] Bitten someone (probably, though I can't remember a particular instance)
[ ] Been to Niagara Falls.
[x] Gotten the chicken pox.
[x] Crashed into a car (twice-minor crashes though. the car still runs fine)
[ ] Been to Japan
[x] Ridden in a taxi. (I couldn't have said that 2 weeks ago)
[ ] Shoplifted.
[ ] Been fired. (let go, but not fired-they'd rehire me if they had a need for personnel)
[x] had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
[ ] Stole something from your job.
[ ] Gone on a blind date. (I suppose technically I have-the joys of Dorm events in college)
[ ] Had a crush on a teacher/coach.
[ ] Celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
[ ] Been to Europe. (My sister wants me to meet up with her in Prague at some point, though)
[ ] Slept with a co-worker.
[ ] Been married
[ ] Gotten divorced.
[x] Saw someone/something dying (if you count bugs)
[x] Driven over 400 miles in one day
[ ] Been to Canada.
[x] Been on a plane.
[ ]Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
[ ] Thrown up in a bar. (outside of one, though not due to alcohol-I didn't drink that night)
[ ] Eaten Sushi (ick)
[x] Been snowboarding.
[x] Been skiing. (I think: if so, water-single ski)
[x] Been ice skating.
[x] Met someone in person from the internet (I suppose technically)
[x]Going to or have gone to college.
[ ] Done drugs
[x] Taken painkillers
[ ] Cheated on someone else (why would I want to? I've seen the consequences)
[ ] Had sex with more than one person.
[ ] Thought about suicide
[ ] Feared for your life because of another
[ ] Been hurt so bad you'll never forget the pain (the memory of the pain usually fades)
[ ] Wished somebody would die (I think I briefly thought about it, then I considered the ramifications, and decided it was a bad desire)
[ ] Lied to your girlfriend/boyfriend (At times I haven't disclosed some information, but I've never lied to her)

Back from trip

My trip went well. Other than being delayed to the point of staying overnight in an airport and arriving over 12 hours after I was supposed to.
I went to see Beautiful graduate from basic training in the army. (She didn't know I was coming until a little while before I got there)
She's definately lost a lot of weight, and put on quite a bit of muscle.
She's doing quite well.

travel

I'm going on a trip for a few days and will be leaving first thing in the morning.

Pray for safe travels, etc.

(Pray very hard for the etc. I'm not going to post that here. If you want to know, a few influential people in my life know, as well as one or two others. If you know where I'm going, and don't know this request, you should be able to figure out who I've told. Ask them, or ask me, but the need for the prayer will probably be over by the time I get back to you, unless you call me-though my phone will only be intermitantly on until tomorrow evening)